On writing...

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It began in an explosion one day
on a train ride to San Diego.

I had been journaling for a number of years
but it had never been prose, never something like this.

It felt as though I took a breath
and as I let it out words came with it.
Like one big sigh.

That's how it feels when they come out of me.
Because that is exactly what happens.
They just flow out like water and all I do is write it down.

I was excited and scared at the same time.
How did this come out of me?
But the questions didn't stop the flow
and I began over the next few years to write daily.

Sometimes I would scribe two or three pieces in a day.
Its as if a faucet had been opened
and my job was to capture all that came out.

Certainly I directed the flow
but always the process was the same.
I relaxed and out it came.

It became my friend.
It became my refuge.
It became my connection to something outside myself.
It became my way back to God

Until that day
when I lost my way
and I became afraid
of opening myself up again.

I became afraid of that voice
and the questions
and the pain
and the answers.

So it has been 8 years
and I am just beginning to trust again
I am just beginning to relax
and let it flow again.

And in that process
I look back at where I have been
in order to see who I am today.

Small steps
on this journey
back to where I belong.

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